IMMINENT DANGER IS HERE!

have you ever hid in someone's closet to scare them? or perhaps you've hid behind a door, or around a corner, or in the clothes' rack at target. if you've never done something like scare people, it's this really cool thing where you jump out at people and they scream because they believe IMMINENT DANGER IS HERE AND THEY ARE GOING TO DIE but in actuality it is simply a person hiding for the intentions of making them crap their pants.

i like to scare people. i do it frequently, whether in the form described above, or in a practical joke, or in witty sarcasm.

but i hate, hate HATE
4. WHEN I HIDE IN SOMEONE'S CLOSET TO SCARE THEM AND THEY KNOW I AM THERE ALREADY AND THE SCARE IS RUINED!!!

today i spent the day at my best friend shanna's house. shanna has a sister named heather. heathers name reminds me of green and st. patrick's day, i don't know why. I HATE IRISH PEOPLE! just kidding I'm 33% irish. anyway.

i have now twice successfully scared the living daylights out of heather by hiding in her closet when she comes home from practice. it is so joyful, ladies and gentlemen. if you ever get the chance to scare someone, do it. but don't be chicken about it - really do it! give it your all and you will REAP the benefits of your bountiful harvest.

so today shanna and I heard heather get home from practice and i ran to go hide in her closet. I KNEW SHE KNEW I WAS THERE! so i made the brilliant assertion to leave the door open so she'd think there was no one there, and then pop out when she arrived in her room.

no sooner did i get myself settled in her closet, i turn around to see her staring at me!!! WHAT!? NO!!! NO NO NO NO WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE AND RUINING MY SCARE!!! SCARING IS AN ART! YOU BROKE THE ART!

I HATE when people ruin my scares. my sister does this all the time. she'll stand behind me and alert *insert name of my victim* of their impending scare. AND THEN THEY KNOW AND IT GETS RUINED!!

i hate when good things are ruined. DON'T RUIN MY GOOD THINGS ANYMORE! LIKE SCARES! I love that look of terror on the faces of your unsuspecting prey. oh man. best feeling ever. and then you run out and laugh and hug them, and they punch you! good times!

BUT WHEN SOMEONE RUINS THE SCARE!!! then you stand there all awkward. like, oh hey! i was gonna scare you, but you ruined it and ALL MY FUN DIED. YOU. KILLED. ALL. MY. FUN. and its not like you can replicate that scare. IT'S A ONE TIME DEAL, YOU GUYS.

DON'T RUIN IT!!