I know its been about 93 years since my last post to the hate blog, and i apologize for that.
so I've been back to kentucky for less than a week from spring break. WHY WAS SPRING BREAK SO EARLY???? nobody has spring break this early except western freaking kentucky university. but anyway, thats not the point of hatred. I had a nice time while I was home away from kentucky.
so i flew back on monday (march 14) at approximately 7:35am. my flight was delayed though so it was actually more like 8:15 when we left which i was upset about because wtf i got up so early to make it to the airport in time and then you delay the flight?1?1?!!?!?!?!? WHO DOES THAT. southwest airlines. thats who. anyway, I landed in nashville at like 1:30 or 2, and i got to my car, and off i was to bowling green. I stopped at mcdonalds even though i dont really like mcdonalds i just really like their sweet tea, and i got some sweet tea, and then i left nashville. about 15 minutes outside of nashville on the interstate I hit what i thought was a bump in the road or a pothole and i was like, oh yikes, hope that didnt hurt! but nothing felt out of place so i merrily kept driving to the tunes of dashboard confessional on the I-65 north.
I got to western around 3:45ish, and there's usually a monday bible study at 4 in the chapel on campus at western (westerns not a christian school but theres a chapel on campus......... yeah dont ask me. silly bible belt) and so i decided to go to the bible study so i parked near the chapel (instead of at my residence hall) and i got out and i went to the front of my car to make sure my bumper wasnt damaged, or anything.
to my surprise, i looked to the front of my car, and stuck in my bumper...
behold, A POSSUM.
let me say that again for effect. THERE WAS A POSSUM STUCK IN MY BUMPER. what? WHAT?! A POSSUM!??!?!?!?!?!?! those actually exist. what is going on.
so I proceeded to FREAK. OUT. I had never seen a possum in real life before. I saw them on tv and one time i googled them to see what they looked like and also one time my friend claire took a nice picture of one but other than that i had never seen one. and all the sudden I am in the middle of kentucky with one stuck in my bumper???? WHAT NOW?!!?!? i instantly felt like a total californian. i have no idea what to do. im just sitting here staring at my bumper on my precious car (aptly named Calamity Jane... just in case you were wondering) wondering what to do.
after spending a few minutes freaking out, I realize that this might be illegal. I dont know kentucky laws very well and in general theyre similar to california laws, but for real, if you killed something in california i feel like the police might legitimately arrest you. so I PANICKED. I dont know if its illegal to kill possums (i hear its not but at the time, of course, i assumed it was) so i freaked. I immediately imagined myself getting hauled off to jail and having no one to bail me out of jail and getting stuck with redneck meth lab owners, possum hunters, people who dont like beer, and everything else thats probably illegal in kentucky. while i was standing near my car trying to figure out how to remove all evidence of the Possum Massacre of 2011 from my bumper, and also trying to think of someone who i know well enough at western to call and be like "so hey yeah im in jail...", a boy walked by. he seemed to be no one special, and also not a policeman, so i waved him down and he came over and basically this is what happened.
me: WWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH PLEASE PLEASE HELP MEEEEEEE I HIT A POSSUM AND HES STUCK IN MY BUMPER AND IDONTKNOWWHATTODOANDIDONTWANTTODIEORGETARRESTEDAMONGREDNECKMETHLABOWNERS PLEASE HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
me: PLEASE. COME HERE.
(it was at this point i realized how bad i looked. he probably thought i wanted to buy rugs from him or something.)
edit: rugs is a typo, i meant to say drugs, but rugs works too
so the boy comes over and says
"you're not from around here are you"
in a perfectly thick kentucky accent. im sure he was an engineering major.
and as i say no, he spots the california license plate hanging on my possum-ridden bumper and says, "ohhhhhh...."
yeah THANKS RANDOM KENTUCKY BOY, I KNOW IM FROM CALIFORNIA BUT IM NOT HELPLESS. WE JUST DONT HAVE POSSUMS AND IVE NEVER HAD AN ANIMAL GET STUCK IN MY BUMPER BEFORE AND QUITE FRANKLY THERE IS NO WAY IM TOUCHING THAT THING ESPECIALLY IF I GET ARRESTED AND THEY FIND POSSUM BLOOD ON MY HANDS BECAUSE THEN I'LL NEVER GET OUT OF JAIL!!!!!!!!!!
so this boy pulls this posusm out of my bumper no problem and walks away, just like that. THANKS DUDE.
from what i hear, I cant get arrested for killing a possum. but just in case, you didnt hear that i killed a possum. there was no possum... no boy... no car... no flight... no amylynne...
34. I hate possums